Scroll down for answers!
1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user
doesn't even see it. What is it?
2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were
both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United
States citizen. How is this possible?
3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest
mountain on Earth?
4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is
always in the summer. How is this possible?
5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war
stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a
battalion against a German division during World War I.
Through brilliant maneuvers he defeated them and captured
valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword
bearing the inscription "To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring
and Leadership. World War One. From the Men of Battalion 8."
Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect
anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's wrong with the
story?
6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion
or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?
7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same
year?
8. A woman from New York married ten different men from that
city, yet she did not break any laws. None of these men died and
she never divorced. How is this possible?
9. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989
American dollar bills?
10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
11. A taxi driver was called to take a group of passengers to the
train station. The station is normally an hour away, but with
traffic being extra heavy, it took a full hour and a half. On the
return trip the traffic was still as heavy and yet it took only 90
minutes. Why?
12. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door"
to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
13. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never
eat a penguin's egg. Why not?
14. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg *are* white" or
"The yolk of the egg *is* white"?
15. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man
with a wooden leg. Why not?
16. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for
admission to the "International Home Show". One of them was
the father of the other's son. How could this be possible?
17. After the new Canon Law that took effect on November 27,
1983, would a Roman Catholic man be allowed to marry his
widow's sister?
ANSWERS:
1. A coffin
2. The child was born before 1776.
3. Mount Everest; it just hadn't been discovered!
4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.
5. World War I wasn't called "World War I" until World War II.
6. The word "and."
7. They fall in the same year every year, New Year's Day just
arrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very late in the same year.
8. The lady was a Justice of the Peace.
9. One. 1,990 dollar bills are worth $1 more than 1,989.
10. Only once, then you are subtracting it from 20.
11. An hour and a half IS 90 minutes.
12. "new door" = "one word"
13. Penguins live in the Antarctic.
14. Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow.
15. You have to take a picture of a man with a camera, not with a woodenleg.
16. They were husband and wife.
17. He can't because he's dead.
The Ant and the Grasshopper
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper
has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures
of the shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be
that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association
of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant
with "green bias", and makes the case that the grasshopper
is the victim of 30 million years of greenism.
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody cries when he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on
the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that
they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who
has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who
benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill
refers to it, the "Temperatures of the 80's."
Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter
Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the
ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Greenism Act" retroactive to the beginning of the
summer. The ant fined for failing to hire a proportionate
number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper
in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried
before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a
list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases
on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3pm when there are no talk
shows scheduled. The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the
last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's
in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles
around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which
the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food,
they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly
applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of
"fairness" has dawned in America.
